Posts Tagged ‘infatuation’

What is love? A lot of people have their own definitions of this four letter word. I saw a humorous definition which said “Love is a heterogeneous conglomeration of absurdity calculated to bamboozle the anatomy of the individual who become intoxicated with its abominable and irresistible power.” Whoa! Could that ever be love? Another one, Love is a feeling you feel when you feel that you’re going to get a feeling that you never felt before.” Whew! Whatever that is, it surely isn’t love! So how do we know if this is true love or not? Well, love has its counterfeit called infatuation. Now, let’s discern the counterfeit from the genuine.

Infatuation is ruled by feelings, but love’s feelings are ruled by principle. In the field of infatuation, the feelings are in charge. But the problem is that our feelings are fickle. They change easily. Today I feel great, so I kiss her. Tomorrow I feel terrible, so I kick her. That’s no love! True love has feelings, tender feelings which are put in the human heart by a caring God. But love is not composed of feelings only. It is feeling plus principle. Moreover, love is not controlled by feelings. It does not do anything and everything it feels. Rather in true love, the feelings are under control of principle.

Infatuation is blind, but love sees & examines. It cannot see and does not wish to see! Example, when a girl recognizes that her BF is hooked on drugs, but still proceeds with plans for marriage or when a boy observes his GF flirting continuously with other men but still goes ahead with the love affair, infatuation has blinded them. True love uses its eyes to see and to examine the strengths and weaknesses of the prospective partner. It is not afraid to ask hard questions nor to do difficult examinations.

Infatuation is in a hurry, but love takes time. Everything of permanent value in life takes time. We can build a shack overnight, but if we are building a house that will stand fury of a typhoon, that takes time. We can put up an artificial Christmas tree overnight, but to grow a real tree, that takes time. It has to be planted, watered and nourished for weeks, months, or years. Love is like a plant- a tender precious plant. Infatuation is ever in hurry: see her today, court her tomorrow, and marry her the day after! It’s “love at first sight”. It’s “puppy love.” And someone has rightly said, “Puppy love leads to a dog’s life.” But while this “puppy love” is in hurry, true love takes time- time to know and time to grow. Knowing a person always takes time & there is no “shortcut”.

Infatuation is obsessed with externals, but love is concerned with internals. “Puppy love” is obsessed with the figure, is a slave to the fashion, and is intoxicated with sex appeal. In fact, where infatuation reigns, sex dominated the relationship. True love admires the figure & appreciated sexual intimacy. But these are not the greatest concerns of true love. It is more concerned with the personality, the kind of person the partner really is. Love examines the habits, the inner virtues or vices. True love pays attention to the character, the inner self. While we cannot read a person’s heart, our concern should be more what the beauty of character rather that the beauty of figure.

Infatuation is childish, but love is mature. Childish & selfish, “puppy love” says “Give me,” with a little or no concerns for the other. It is self-centered. But true love is other-entered. It is concerned with the welfare of one’s partner. Childish and irresponsible, infatuation says, “I don’t understand the word tomorrow; give it to me now.” It cries for gratification today, regardless of the consequences later. On the other hand, true love refrains from enjoying today that which it will regret tomorrow.

Infatuation is a human ditch, but love is a divine ladder. One goes down, the other goes up. Infatuation is a ditch into which blindfolded people fall, but love is a ladder onto which wide-eyed people climb. In a certain sense, we do not “fall” in love; we climb on to love. True love does not come by accident; it involves effort. It takes thinking & working & caring. So while infatuation is a human pit, true love is a divine ladder. And every person has a freedom to choose between the tragedy of one and the triumph of the other.

[Source: I Love You by Gordon Martinborough]